You’ve undoubtedly seen a Facebook post of InstaStory that looks something like this:
But have you done it?
Have you put yourself out there for a friend and been mentally and emotionally prepared for their answer?
I wasn’t. But I absolutely needed it.
I was ashamed.
I was scared.
I was hurt.
I felt as though I didn’t have anyone to turn to.
I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 8 months. Imagine that pill being hard enough to swallow, but admitting it to myself and having to find the strength to fix it after being told for months that you cannot do anything right…it’s basically an impossible feat.
I am strong, but he made me feel weak.
I am beautiful, but he made me feel like garbage.
I am powerful, but he had the control.
I am adventurous, but he made me a box.
I am loving, but he made me feel unlovable.
Yet, I stayed. For months... Months people! I continued to torture myself. I sunk into an abyss of depression and anxiety. I’d cry myself to sleep wishing that my life could be normal again that I could smile and be with my friends and not have to check my phone every 30 seconds to see if he needed something, but I was so scared of what he’d do to me that I stayed.
I couldn’t go out with my friends even though that is something that I love to do.
No one should ever call you 74 times in an evening without alarm bells firing left and right in your head. That is NOT okay or NORMAL.
He told me I didn’t have emotions, that I was cold-hearted. I know for a fact that I am not. I am a teacher. Loving and having an open heart is kind of in my job description.
When he ruined my 25th birthday. When he took the joy out of my joyous day. I knew I needed to do something.
In January, freshly 25, I sat in a therapist’s waiting room. Thinking to myself.
I don’t need therapy.
I should be strong enough to pick up the pieces of my life.
I shouldn’t need help.
I was scared. I was ashamed to tell my family because of how they may perceive it. There were only 2 people who even knew I was going. And thank god for those two incredibly strong women in my life. I am grateful for them every single day.
I had no end game for walking into therapy that day. I was more concerned that this lady wouldn’t understand all of the things going on in my life.
-New job
-Immense car expenses
-Serious relationship issues
-Familial guilt
But guess what? I again was wrong.
She has life experience too. She is a bad-ass lady who has so many unique stories that she can relate to my life. I seriously do not know what I would be doing right now without her.
I was able to open up to her about my relationship and she ultimately helped me to get out and feel safe again.
The horrifying thing about emotionally abusive relationships is you think that YOU are the one doing things wrong. I would easily apologize 100 times a day for things he would be upset about. I’d call him out for being controlling and he’d somehow spin it and make it my fault. That I was the one who was out of line. No one you ever date should make jokes at your expense, criticize your appearance, disrespect your time, frighten you, or threaten you. Newsflash- they’re the one who would get into trouble if push came to shove.
Ladies, if I have learned anything (and there’s been a lot) it’s been that your heart and gut always know what’s right. The moment you become anxious of a situation. It’s wrong.
You are not required to talk to anyone or give anyone a second of your time. If you don’t feel comfortable or safe LEAVE! BLOCK! And never look back. They don't deserve a second of your time. You are worthy of someone who worships your time, not someone who diminishes it.
Being vulnerable put me in a dark place, but it also took immense vulnerability and courage to get myself back on the right path.
Ladies, there is an incredibly strong tribe of women behind you to help you through these types of situations. The first step is admitting that you need help and I promise you it can only get better from there. The path, albeit bumpy, is one of the most valuable journeys you’ll ever experience.
Don't ever let go of who you are in order to please someone. Be your weird and crazy self and the people who matter will be there enjoying your life with you.
C